I read an article in GQ mag yesterday about the safe haven law in Nebraska. Briefly, the safe haven law in Nebraska allows a parent to drop off a child at a hospital there with no questions asked. The intent was to assist a parent of an unwanted infant, apparently to prevent babies being left in dumpsters and such; however, the legislators didn't attach an child age limit. So parents have been dropping off children of all ages, even coming from other states to do so. I had heard/read of the situation there previously, but had not paid it more than passing notice. Working with problem kids and having raised a couple of normal teens has given me enough insight to figure that there was more to the issue than the administrators and politicians in Nebraska were revealing. Sure enough, as referenced in the links below, the majority of the kids being dropped off at the hospitals have emotional / behavioral issues.
The article in GQ gives a much more pervasive and insightful picture of the situation than some of the others I have read. The general public has no idea of the challenges for parents who are dealing with kids with mental health issues. I work with teens with severe emotional / behavioral issues. Our facility is a lock-down residential, re-education center. Our kids have mental health issues and this is their last chance to find a way to integrate into society before they reach adulthood. Ours is an intensive program that focuses on re-education through social skills, therapy, peer-groups, and constant consistent interactions with adults in a teaching environment.
Some of our kids have been abused in ways that most of you can't comprehend. All of our kids are mentally ill. All of our kids have been passed around between family members, group homes, foster homes, other institutions, psychiatric hospitals and the list goes on. None of our kids have had quality consistent care during there short lives.
Our society does not acknowledge the need for quality mental health care. It has been our tradition as a country to keep our crazies in the closet. We don't talk about them, we are embarrassed by them and we're afraid of them. In terms of treating them, it's not an exact science. Most conditions can't yet even be definitively defined. One student we recently admitted, over drugged, was diagnosed with the standard youth diagnosis of oppositional defiant, adhd, etc. Our treatment team disregards previous diagnosis and does new thorough testing. The kid is autistic and with the appropriate treatment regiment, he made amazing progress and was able to function very well. Turns out he's a really likable kid!
Adults do not receive adequate mental health care in this country. So what do you think children get? Often, kids are labeled as spoiled, a bad seed, or a bad kid. Parents are blamed, or chided for not doing a good job or taking responsibility. The reality is that kids left untreated for mental health issues can wreck even the most determined parent and household. The GQ article profiles what one woman was experiencing with her kids and is fairly typical in my experience.
Imagine one of your kids, biting, kicking, breaking, setting fire, sexually abusing your other kids or peers, cursing like the devil, stealing, hoarding, getting mad and defecating on whatever, the list goes on. And you probably have other kids, a job, maybe you're a single parent. Now, what do you do? There are very few treatment facilities and organizations that treat children.
I work in a treatment facility in North Carolina for these kinds of kids. There is another here, for young children. Due to budget cuts, both of theses facilities are on the chopping board to be closed at the end of the year. Ours is a short term program for teens 13 to 17 and we have the capacity to treat only 18 kids at a time due to previous budget cuts (18 kids for the whole state). The only other places for these kids is jail, psychiatric hospitals, or the street.
It's time to start getting help for people who are mentally ill. Many can be treated and transition into the community. Mental illness is an integral component of a host of societal ills, not the least of which is poverty. Can we take it out of the closet, from under the carpet, put it in the sunlight, see it for what it is and deal with it? Please? I'm going to stop now, because this had gotten to long. But I have more to say, and I will.
http://tinyurl.com/cq5cnw (GQ post)
HTTP://tinyurl.com/cr6j3b
HTTP://tinyurl.com/c3tf6d

budget cuts throw kids to the wolves

I read in the newspaper yesterday that the place where I work is going to be closed down on December 31. That's a really f@@cked up way to get that information. Budget cuts. I work for the state under a re-education program that benefits teens.
Our group of kids are severely affected by mental health and behavioral issues. Our program operates under a re-education principal that dictates kids (among other things) should know joy every day, should be able to interact with their peers and are affected by peer behaviors, life should be lived in the present (not the past), self control can be taught, competence makes a difference; there are 12 core principles in all. Google re-education principles for more info.
Most of our kids are in state custoday and more or less have been forgotten by the people that are supposed to care about them. They have been abused in the most unspeakable ways. The average person can't even comprehend the atrocities these kids have survived, most often, at the hands of people commonly referred to as parents and/or relatives. It's obscene!
Our program is 'least restrictive', meaning we avoid physical restraint as much as possible. We don't strap kids down to beds, or shoot 'em up with drugs to keep them virtually catatonic, as with many mental health care facilities. We engage them daily. We talk to them, respect them, teach them, laugh with them and care for them. Sometimes we have to physcially keep them from hurting themselves or others and we do have a 'safe' room to put them in until they calm down. Our kids know they are safe with us, and for many of them, this is the first time in their lives that they've lived somewhere safe.
So our new governor has determined that our program is expendible. If we in fact close, the kids will be transferred to mental health hospitals, detention or group homes. The ones in mental health hospitals will not be working with staff that is there to teach, they will have very little education, and if they act out they will be strapped down and drugged. Those in detention will likely be beaten by the peers, improperly medicated, provided virtually no education and end up in prison (once they're old enough), on the street, or dead. The ones that go to group homes will either run away and end up on the street, or be abused.
I'm very frustrated working within the bureaucracy that exists within any government run organization, but I'm outraged that our society is so willing to disregard and/or ignore the needs of our children. I started working within this program because I have a bigger vision and I needed to know how the state operates and where the failings are, and while I certainly got my answers, for right now, this is the only program serving this population in North Carolina. While it certainly has room for improvement, there is no room for discontinuation.

top 10 crazy sex laws

Laws are supposed to protects us, but when the government decides to get in our pants, some crazy stuff goes down!

Here are some actual sex laws truly for the record books!

1. In Bakersfield, Calif., if you're going to have sex with Satan, you've gotta use a condom. And definitely come up with a safe word!

2. Poking a porcupine is illegal in Florida. But apparently that law didn't go far enough. Just a couple of weeks ago, State Sen. Nan Rich submitted a bill that would ban peeps in the Sunshine State from being able to stick it in where the sun don't shine on any animal.

3. In Minnesota, it's illegal for any slime bucket to hook up with a live fish. Don't worry disinterested wives, a cold fish is still A-OK!

4. In Dyersburg, Tenn., it is illegal for a lady to call a gentleman for a date. Clearly no one in that town is getting laid!

5. In Merryville, Mo., no woman can waste her natural waist. Wearing a corset is illegal because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male." No wonder it's called the "Show Me State!"

6. It's illegal to purchase sex toys in Alabama. This law can beat it!

7. In Washington state, it's totally legal to eff an animal like an animal, as long as it weighs less than 40 lbs. What, fatty farm pets don't deserve some love?

8. While most would argue that this is place where the people get screwed many different ways, in Washington, D.C., engaging in any sexual position other than missionary is illegal.

9. In Massachusetts, you cannot recklessly consummate your love with a rodeo clown while the horses are still around. But seriously, there's a reason for the expression "hung like a horse." I doubt the animal would get jealous!

10. The biggest Internet-porn-consuming state, Utah, gets freaky in its laws too. Sex with an animal is totally cool, unless you're doing it for cold, hard cash! Hey, why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free!

VA for the weekend.. daddy stayed home

I had such a good time this past weekend. My two sisters flew in from the west coast last week, and we laughed and had some good times reminiscing. We belly chuckled over some crazy alcohol related incidents from the past at the Alley (Newport News), Skullys (Virginia Beach), and Heartbreak (Virginia Beach), among other things. I forgot about all the fun we used to have. I hadn't seen my youngest sister in about 5 years, and the next youngest in about 2. Sunday, about 18 of us (family or extended family), met at the IHOP on Jefferson / Oyster Point in Newport News for brunch. It was great! And surprisingly, the service was outstanding and the food was really good. We really had some good times.

lately

I'm having such a hard time staying or getting focused. There have been a lot of posts on twitter (twitter.com, social networking site) that have been motivational in nature that have helped, thankfully. I should probably be more active of letting the posters know that. I have started work on my mission statement for my center that currently only exists in my mind. Part of my 'save the world' quest.
Working a double today/tonite, so I should have lots of time overnight to do some research. Of course, there is the chance that I'll instead, watch movies I've been meaning to catch. I just got Soul Men (love Bernie).
I feel like I'm rambling.

my mission

I'm really struggling to get focused on doing what I believe to be an important endeavor. I can so clearly see, in my minds eye, a campus dedicated to bettering the lives of many through a multi-faceted approach. I just can't seem to get the kick-start I need to 'pass go'. I thought today that my first step is the mission statement. I think that most successful ventures have a quality dicriptive forceful, if not powerful mission statement.
I'm open to advise on how to approach or what I should encompass in this statement.

me

I have the compulsory profiles on facebook and myspace. If you'd like to know more about me, you can find me on those spots and see the public me. If you 'friend' me, be sure and note where you're coming from (twitter, etc), so I'll know to approve you.
Carol
http://www.myspace.com/everybody_gets_1
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1085237620&ref=profile
http://twitter.com/nc_carol

happy new year.. for real!

Friday, December 26, 2008

The New Year Current mood: contemplative I've never been big on the "New Years Resolution" stuff, but I think this year I resolve to make things happen. Too often I've let things ride; let things work out and hope for the best. I've come to the realization that I need to be more in control of my surroundings and the people that are in it. I have things I want to accomplish and I keep not doing anything about it. I realize now, that I need to be around people that can be supportive and have common interests and similar goals if I am genuine about my goals. I need to separate myself from the distractions and negativity that play into insecurity and doubt. I suppose that's not so different than what most people need or should do in their lives, so perhaps if you're reading this, you'll find some inspiration to take another look at how you're doing toward your life's goals. I cannot understand for the life of me how people so often try and take advantage of others. I don't understand the concept of deceit. I think, often times, people underestimate me and think they're getting over on me. Those of you who know me the best, know that's a fallacy and that the reality is that I do what I do in my own time. This year, I vow to minimize the effects of the deceivers and pretenders. I will reserve my time for those people who wish to be honest, genuine, and respectful and I will return the same in kind. It troubles me that this far along in my life I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. Too many times, I've said to myself, well when this happens I can do that, etc., etc. I have forgotten that this journey is really a solo flight and that if you're able to find a co-pilot, you're more fortunate than words can express. You should always be mindful that more often than not, the co-pilot navigates the course, and you should be careful about who you trust to stay the course. Finally, humbly I would say that I am a good woman with a good heart. I feel like I have a lot to offer and the desire to do so. I truly want to share my intelligence and my abilities. I don't understand why it seems so hard for me to be able to do just that. This year, 2009, I intend to find a way. I wish a wonderful and productive New Year for all. Bless You!

da prez

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA It's 143 years since the end of slavery. It's 40 years past the death of Martin Luther King Jr., and 44 years since the Civil Rights Act passed. While I'm pleased Obama was elected, a part of me is very sad that this far along in our "civilized" society, race still plays a relevant part in such an important process. I voted for Obama and I'm confident he is the right choice for our next president; however, I would've voted for Obama regardless of the color of his skin. Our country is so advanced in so many areas of progress so I ask why why why is it that so many of our citizens put so much stock in the race you are born into by no choice of your own. Race is a circumstance of birth. It is not a determinate of character, intelligence, passion, compassion or any other integral quality necessary to lead. I"m glad, thrilled, optimistic, hopeful, and relieved that this particular door (race) to the Whitehouse has been not just knocked down, but blown off the hinges. I'd like to believe that Obama would've been elected, Black, White, Hispanic, Asian-Pacific, Indian, or other. I'm eager for the day when that box is no longer a necessary part of any application

Life in America for a Black man. Has it changed? Read this and you tell me..

Life in America for a Black man. Has it changed? Read this and you tell me..

Can’t a brother just workout out in peace at the gym? My boyfriend and I wanted to work out today, but our regular gym doesn’t open until 1 on Sunday, so we decided to go pay for a day visit at a gym in Durham. Peak Fitness on 15501 Chapel Hill Blvd. About an hour into it, he was lifting dumb bells in that back corner of the gym when out of the corner of his eye he saw no less than about 20 Durham police officers closing in. And what? They were comin after him. I know in white America you hear phrases like DWB (driving while black), you hear lyrics from rappers like, "put ur hands up nigga - you fit the description". And you just laugh, until it happens. Sure enough they came up to him "put the dumb bells down and put your hands behind your back". These officers literally swarmed around him, telling me to step back away. Being an intelligent black man, he recognized that when surrounded by literally 20 or more police officers, it’s likely best to do exactly what they say, and he did. He was handcuffed and escorted to an adjacent area out of view. I questioned the police officers as to what was the problem and they started asking me questions. I got his I.D. out of the truck and gave them the information they needed to verify his identity. Apparently, the manager of the gym thought he was some fugitive of justice; some heavy hitting drug dealer, and called the police. The police later told us that the guy they were looking for had been last seen running from a Peak fitness gym. Now does common sense say that you would return to a place where you were last seen running from if you were a criminal? Unfortunately the gym manager, Barrett, didn’t feel a need to show the police officers the copy of his drivers license he had made when we signed in, or the information from his credit card we used to pay for the day visit. Had he done that, the police officers could’ve ascertained that he was not their man without the public embarrassment and humiliation suffered by he and I. Instead, he was detained for approximately 15 minutes, not to mention the interference of our workout. However, not to be thrown off his game, he did finish.
It’s disconcerting to think what might’ve happened had I not been able to produce his i.d. The situation was further aggravated by the fact that the manager of the gym (also a black man) so easily put him out there like that, and never apologized, offered a free visit or better still refunded the $30 paid for the day visit. He very clearly saw us as we were leaving the facility and acted like a little punk, playing like he didn’t see us. My boyfriend is 6’5" and not easily missed!
No the manager did not refund his $30 paid for the day visit
No the manager did not offer a free visit to make up for his error.
No the manager did not apologize.
Yes, we did write a letter of complaint and will update IF we hear back.
Yes, the Durham Police Dept did apologize and gave us all the information we would need to file a complaint.

Lessons I've learned

Life Lessons

These are a few tidbits I've picked up along my journey.. Hope it helps make your journey a little smoother.
1:
What goes around, comes around - ALWAYS!! Don't waste your time on revenge. Trust it to be true!
2:
If you kick it to the curb - leave it there! You don't take trash BACK into the house
3:
If you chase it, it will run
4:
When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
5:
If the situation doesn't directly effect you, your children or your job, stay out of it. Negativity doesn't need any assistance from anybody
6:
furthermore.... you don't need to look for trouble.. it will find you! You do however: need to search out your happiness.. it seems, sometimes, elusive.
7:
If you find yourself making excuses for him (or her as the case may be) more than half the time, you're making too many excuses. Why?
8:
Houses built on foundations with structural damage, will be problematic. You may apply that same theory to relationships. In other words, if your mate has substance abuse issues, mental health issues, narcissitic tendencies or just generally pyschotic, you can expect a problematic relationship.
9:
It is not always the other guy.
10:
You cannot help people that don't want your help... really
11. If you can't admit you have a problem, you'll never find the cure/fix. NEVER!
That holds true if the problem is your own, or your "significant other".
12. Do you! You are the most qualified to be you, and God put you here to be YOU, flaws and all.
13. People may not believe what you say, but they will always believe what you do.
14. Face the truth, before it faces you.
15. If he tells you who he is, believe him. For example, if he says he's not ready to be in a relationship - he's not. If he says he's not good with change, he isn't. Again, if someone is telling you who or what they are - listen and save yourself some grief.

Where do we even start?

where to start?
Category: Life

Our society is profuse with symptons of our illness. Our youth, particularly minority youth, are spewing blood. We have plenty of programs to address these symptoms, but nothing to treat the disease. Prisons are nothing more than blood catching buckets, (ok, maybe vats). Schools, while good intentioned, offer too little, too late. Mostly serving as a bandaid over a bone deep gash. There are more African American men in prison than in colleges and universities. That is an obscene fact! Government run social programs have become so rediculously bureaucratic, they've been reduced to what amounts to a dog chasing its tail. Employees of these institutions, by and large, are so burnt out or just plain defeated, that even those who could truly benefit get lost in the defecits. Private organizations often fail to get sufficient resources to needy populations at a rate that can stem the flow (of blood). I could go on and on atop this soapbox, but suffice it to say, until we start treating the disease, we will continue with the symptoms. We will continue to be the country with a growing, thriving business in prison management, whole populations lost in sickness and poverty, and businessess and politicians preying at will. I mean really, FIVE DAYS TO GET WATER TO NEW ORLEANS??? So the questions is, where to start?

Email From God..

email from God - check yourself

Subject: Yourself
To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: GOD
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE
This is God. Today I will be handling All of your problems for you. I do
Not need your help. So, have a nice day.
I love you.
P.S. ...
If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do Not
attempt to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFG TD (something for
God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be
resolved, but in My time, not yours.
Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying
about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in
your life now.
If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair. There are people in
this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work; think of the man who has been out of work
for years.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; think of the person who has
never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; think of the woman in dire
straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; think
of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; think of the cancer patient
in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about,
asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long
enough to get the opportunity.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance,
smallness or insecurities; remember, things could be worse. You could be one
of them!
Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you. You may have touched
their life in ways you will never know!
Now, you have a nice day.
God